Alaine's Banana Stand

Branching out, craftily-speaking. Less personally entertaining,...

Sat, 01 Sep 2012 15:07:00 -0700

Branching out, craftily-speaking. Less personally entertaining, but more spiritually satisfying—all my knitting projects are going to kids in the county group foster home. I figured this would be more useful than crude cross-stitches. It’s also a fun way for me to feel smug—but just Prius smug, not fart-smelling/acid-doing smug.

Taken from Amy Sedaris’s character in The Closer, made for...

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 13:08:08 -0700

Taken from Amy Sedaris’s character in The Closer, made for my mom and her sisters. Not as funny as Jerri Blank, but much more adorable. Also, it doesn’t get better than “self-award-winning tofurkey.”

A great response when confronted with things you don’t...

Sun, 27 May 2012 23:02:26 -0700

A great response when confronted with things you don’t like.

High school would have been 10 times more awesome if Jerri Blank...

Tue, 20 Mar 2012 21:50:04 -0700

High school would have been 10 times more awesome if Jerri Blank had been there.

Probably 90-95% of what I do in life is solely for my own...

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 15:46:41 -0700

Probably 90-95% of what I do in life is solely for my own amusement. This is one of those things. This is Latin, and its literal translation (according to Google Translate) is “I need the grace of.” But this was the closest I could get to “I need a favor,” which is, of course, the suggested Bluth family motto.

Every year my family watches “A Charlie Brown...

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 15:39:00 -0700

Every year my family watches “A Charlie Brown Christmas” and every year we agree with Lucy. Although Sally’s solution works just as well: “Make it easy on yourself. Just send money. How about 10s and 20s?”

If I could hire a scriptwriter for my life, my first choice...

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 15:34:55 -0700

If I could hire a scriptwriter for my life, my first choice would probs be a Tina Fey/Amy Poehler combo.

Where DOESN’T Detective John Munch go? Scrapbooking stings...

Wed, 07 Mar 2012 18:31:51 -0800

Where DOESN’T Detective John Munch go? Scrapbooking stings are the best stings. I attempted to make it look like the Law & Order title card lettering but clearly it didn’t go so well.

That’s what I like about Querns. Such concise advice.

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 00:07:42 -0800

That’s what I like about Querns. Such concise advice.

On the Wire, Omar is my favorite character (for obvious reasons)...

Sat, 04 Feb 2012 15:36:00 -0800

On the Wire, Omar is my favorite character (for obvious reasons) but my favorite line comes from Clay Davis. Use it in good health. And for a completely different view of Clay Davis (or the actor that plays him, whatever) watch Cedar Rapids. You won’t be disappointed!

Happy Birthday, Lucille!

Tue, 31 Jan 2012 14:51:54 -0800

Well not really—but it’s Jessica Walter’s birthday! Yay!

I'm so excited! I'm selling out!

Wed, 25 Jan 2012 16:42:00 -0800

Of course, the only real reason to make anything is so you can get paid. Therefore, I’m happy to say that I’m testing the waters with Etsy. You can find me there at

http://www.etsy.com/shop/alainek

or email me at

alainesbananastand AT gmail DOT com

Let me know if you have questions, comments, concerns or complaints!

From the song “212” by Azealia Banks. She is perhaps...

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 15:43:21 -0800

From the song “212” by Azealia Banks. She is perhaps the most adorable person ever; all I want to do is pinch her cheeks.

i love your cross-stitches! Do you sell them...i must have a "the League" one!

Fri, 20 Jan 2012 02:36:00 -0800

Thank you! I am so flattered that people look at my cross-stitches, let alone like them. I don’t have any kind of infrastructure set up but I’m happy to work with you (probably on etsy).

ETA: I have the infrastructure! Go here! http://www.etsy.com/shop/alainek

Despite my complete lack of understanding football, I love the...

Sun, 15 Jan 2012 15:05:00 -0800

Despite my complete lack of understanding football, I love the League, and Ruxin yelling “Forever Uncleeeeeeean!” is my favorite part. Second favorite: the Shiva Bowl Shuffle. Someday soon I want to get a stamp of this for ease of germophobia.

Teresa in all her crazy-eyed, table-flipping glory. Or should it...

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 16:29:33 -0800

Teresa in all her crazy-eyed, table-flipping glory. Or should it be table-flippin’? A question for the ages.

Marla Singer, such a nice crazy person. Also led to my mother...

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 14:44:00 -0800

Marla Singer, such a nice crazy person. Also led to my mother saying “fucked” for the very first time in her entire life.

Truly, a solid business plan. I think some variation of this has...

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 14:40:00 -0800

Truly, a solid business plan. I think some variation of this has been influencing the world economy of late.

Each Arrested Development character is my favorite, each one...

Thu, 12 Jan 2012 14:37:57 -0800

Each Arrested Development character is my favorite, each one better than the next, like the snake that eats its tail. But when push comes to shove, Lucille is my favorite favorite.

RHONJ is the best, and Teresa is the best of the best.

Thu, 05 Jan 2012 17:30:52 -0800

RHONJ is the best, and Teresa is the best of the best.